Stopping Chronic Complaining!

By Amanda Pasciucco, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I am witnessing a trend that I would like to discuss. Numerous people have been coming to me in my personal life with their complaints and problems, and when they find the solutions, instead of solving them, they just keep complaining. Nothing is more frustrating than people who are negative, complain, and refuse to stand up for themselves to change the current pattern of their lives.

In the beginning, I would sit and listen. I would offer my services to listen or give them my perspective on the issue. After months of realizing people are complaining about the same issue and not doing anything about it, I have finally decided I am not going to use my time to enable constant complaining.

I feel blessed to have been raised in a family where complaining without action towards a solution was unacceptable. I have yet to meet anyone whose constant complaining has done anything positive to resolve the situation. I realize that having bitterness and aggravation towards life problems actually never gets anything done.

If someone tries to talk to you about his or her problems but refuse to make any changes, then you should refuse to listen to their complaining. It takes too much mental energy to try helping people who are not willing to help themselves.

If you have friends, co-workers, or family like this, it is time to stop the pattern. You must recognize that people who are chronic complainers are not going to take your advice, because they are stuck in the pattern of complaining. Let these people deal with their own stress and refuse to take it on as part of your life. You will be a much happier person if you keep yourself out of that dynamic.

About the author: Amanda Pasciucco is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who believes that physical, emotional, and environmental wellness all factor into one's mental health. Amanda is committed to providing quality mental health services. It is her overall goal to enhance the quality of life for individuals, couples, and families. By obtaining an assessment of your emotional, physical, spiritual, and life experience, Amanda can help you obtain the necessary tools you need to accomplish your treatment goals. She makes every effort to understand all aspects of one's life in order to deliver highly personalized treatment that maximizes your success.

Is It Time To Move On?

Is it time to move on?

By Amanda Pasciucco and Joshua Cohen, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Relationships: There are many times within relationships, including friendships, where we are exhorting too much of our own energy and not getting anything back in return. There is a point in the relationship where you need to move on because relationships are supposed to be about giving and taking, not exhausting yourself for someone who does not appreciate your efforts. Sometimes we can find ourselves bitter and resentful within relationships, but we have the choice to move on from this relationship rather than continue to frustrate ourselves with friendships that are one-sided.

Careers: If you feel hopeless going into your job, why not work on a resume and start applying for a new one? There isn't much to lose if you don't get the offer, and if you do, then there is a hope for a different future. Some people stay at their job way beyond the necessary time and feel absolutely miserable there. Because we spend so much of our time at our jobs, it is extremely important that the job brings you some form of joy.

Homes: Maybe you have lived here your entire life or maybe you just moved. Either way, if this doesn't feel like "home" to you, you can be causing yourself a lot of additional stress. If your house hasn't become "home," it is time to make a change. It won't be easy, but it is necessary because home is the one place that is supposed to ground you and rejuvenate you. If you don't feel that your home is a sanctuary of peace and a refuge, then it is time you and your family start looking for alternatives.

How can you tell when it time to make a change? Usually, our bodies are the first sign that we need to make changes. When we start feeling aches and pains in various parts of our body and we have not been injured, it is a sign that there is anxiety and tension in the body that is trying to be released. Instead of letting it out verbally, sometimes the body begins to act out in the form of migraines, back pain, and stomach aches. Sometimes these are signs that we are not currently pleased with how things are going in our lives and it may be time to make a change.