Positively Praise Yourself

By Amanda Pasciucco at Therapy by Amanda, LLC

When you are younger, adults try to raise your self-esteem. You get trophies if you win or lose, your parents praise your good grades by putting them on the refrigerator, you get certificates for being nice to others, etc. However, as you get older, you continue to do these good acts, and yet the praise begins to disappear. On occasion, we get recognition for large projects from our bosses through promotions, or our partners tell us how wonderful we are. Although this could happen, most days we go about doing a variety of deeds (some good and some bad), and the good ones don’t get noticed while the bad ones are pointed out to us.

As adults, do we become so confident in our sense-of-self that we no longer require praise? No, our egos are constantly shifting, just as they did when we were children. Since it is a good idea to positively reinforce a child’s good behavior, it is a good idea to positively praise yourself.

Why don’t adults praise other adults? Adults are quick to point out the flaws in other adults. You will be warned before getting fired or talked down to by your romantic partner for things that you do wrong. However, it is much less common to get positive praise from adults around you. One reason could be that as people get older, they are too absorbed in their own lives that they forget to acknowledge the great things that you are doing. It could be that they feel jealous of the good things that you accomplish, so they keep their comments to themselves. Also, they could just find it awkward or uncomfortable to give you credit for something that you have done.

What to do? Do not rely on praise from others. Realize your own self-worth, and praise yourself for the great job that you do. Have you accomplished a goal recently? Awesome – praise it! Is there anything you want to buy? Don’t buy it on an impulse. Wait until you do something that you are proud of and then buy it for yourself as a reward. This will make you feel happy and also make it so your purchase is justified.

Amanda Pasciucco, M.A. MFT, is an individual, couple, and family therapist with a private practice in Wilton, Connecticut. Currently, she is working on publishing her first book. For more information, you can visit her website at www.therapybyamanda.com or follow her on twitter @TherapyByAmanda.