Fifty Shades of Grey - Stress and Low Libido

By Amanda Pasciucco, Marriage and Family Therapist

One thing that has been lost through the “Fifty Shades of Grey” epidemic is the unrealistic expectations it has created in some women, causing them to question whether “something is wrong with me” if their libidos don’t match up with the protagonist’s. A low libido is not a sign that something is wrong with you, but it may indicate the presence of an excess of stress in your life. Studies have shown a causal link between stress and low libido.

Stress Bringing the kids to school, working extra hours at the office, a new project added to your plate, late payments on your bills, taking up night school... what do all of these things have in common? Well, they all bring additional stress to your life. When your stress increases, your body goes into "fight of flight” response. During this stage, the hormones cortisol and adrenaline (epinephrine) prepare you to get ready to go out and do something or to stay and fight. If you keep feeding your body with activities that cause you stress, over time the production of these hormones begin to negatively affect the libido.

Does this affect men and women? It depends. The production of cortisol decreases testosterone, and testosterone is responsible for a large part of our libido. This can cause a big problem for people who have low levels of testosterone. Usually females have about ten times less testosterone in their bodies than males. Although stress can affect males’ libido, research has shown that generally females’ libidos are more affected by stress than males’ are.

What do I do about it? Learning stress management techniques would be helpful! Seek counseling or talk with someone you know who appears to have a good balance in his or her life between work, family, relationship, schooling, and pleasure. Learning techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing and meditation from a therapist or trainer have been proven extremely helpful in decreasing stress and thus increasing libido. Another way to decrease stress is to start incorporating exercise and healthy into your schedule. When you exercise you release endorphins, the body's natural way of fighting off stress.