Adult Time-Outs

By Amanda Pasciucco, Marriage and Family Therapist at Life Coaching and Therapy

You may have used a time-out when disciplining a child who is acting out. The reason that you use time-outs for children is to give them a break from the current environment, allow them to calm themself down, and take them away from the stimuli that are charging their negative behavior. It gives children a new way to deal with their frustration.

If a child is able to learn this, an adult can as well. Practice using time-outs in your life this week!

When you are in the middle of arguing with someone, both of you lose focus on one another as people and become defensive in trying to state your points of view. When this happens, without realizing it, you start to create tears within your relationship. A way to repair the tear before you completely damage the bond is to call a "time-out."

You may not know it, but numerous body processes occur when you are arguing, including raised blood pressure, a rush of adrenaline, and increased heart rate. The stress that begins to form does damage to your body, and the words you begin to yell damage the relationship. Time-outs within relationships can be used to cool you down and let your body come back to its usual state. You can let your body relax, allow the other person to calm down, and then begin to think of a better way to approach the point you were making.

How do you do it? If it is with your partner, you can discuss it before arguing and state that you want to incorporate time-outs into the way you communicate. Tell your partner that either of you can call a time-out and take ten minutes away from one another to "cool down." When you come back, you are able to talk rationally and calmly to one another about the topic. If you are using the time-out option with a friend you usually do not argue with, tell them you need a few minutes to cool down. During your cool down time, you will notice that you find a better way of responding and can thus end the conflict easier.

Therefore, try not to damage relationships by arguing. The use of a time-out can help to keep arguments to small tears that are much easier to repair.