Be a Happy & Positive Person

Be a Happy & Positive Person
By Amanda Pasciucco, MFT at Therapy by Amanda, LLC

I remember hearing my father tell this story when I was younger and it stayed with me as a very important lesson. The story went as follows: Years ago, the actor Warren Beatty, was a guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. During the interview, Jay asked Warren, who had been a notoriously known as a ladies man and womanizer, how he felt now that he had been married and had three children with his wife, Annette Bening. My father always commented that he was struck by Warren Beatty's answer to that question. To this day, I can still quote the answer almost verbatim. Warren's answer was as follows: "Jay, Annette WORKS SO HARD EVERYDAY TO BE A HAPPY, POSITIVE PERSON that I can't help being happy."

The formula must have worked, because they have been married for 20 years in Hollywood, a town notorious for its break-ups. With Warren's wondering eye, there must be something to the formula being with a person who works hard at being happy.

That's what I would like to share my thoughts about today. The labor of WORKING HARD every day to be a happy person.

The author Erik Fromm, "The Art of Loving," discusses how love is akin to an art form. When the artist is first learning to blend lines, shades, and colors, they are doing it mechanically at first, one can hardly consider them an artist at that point. However, after years of practicing, the techniques become so much a part of a person that you can no longer separate the methods from the artist. It is like that with our personalities as well. If we work hard at being happy, even if at first it is mechanical, it will effect our moods and thus our overall well-being.

As my pastor used to say, "your mood is your life…. If you're in a good mood, you're having a good day. If you're in a bad mood, watch out…." So what practical steps can we take to improve our life and the lives of those around us?

Here are a few thoughts:
1. SMILE. Smile when you pick up the phone, when you meet someone in the hall, when you greet a family member. A simple smile can affect your mood as much, if not more, than anything else. It sets the tone for all the interactions that follow. It will also keep you looking younger well past that which nature gives on its own.
2. DO NICE THINGS FOR OTHERS. Have you ever noticed how nice it feels when you do something nice for someone else? You can feel the emotional bond strengthening with every kind act and thoughtful gesture rendered.
3. SHOW PEOPLE THAT YOU CARE. There's a saying that goes, "people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care." Ask people about the events in their life. Ask them about their family. Ask them about their hobbies and what they love to do. Ask them what really intrigues them and interests them. And then listen with sincerity. Watch their eyes light up as they share with you and notice that you are actually paying attention to them.
4. BECOMING A HAPPIER PERSON TAKES EFFORT. The 12-Step Group, AA, has some sayings they may prove helpful: fake it to make it... Act as if... Keep trying... If at first you don't succeed, try and try again.

I will conclude with a story from Greek Mythology. There was a young prince who was very grotesque looking. His father, the king, had one of the artisans make a mask of a handsome, beautiful face for his son to wear to cover his natural one. The young prince wore the mask every day until the day after his father died. On that day, someone suggested that now that he was king, surely no one would make fun of his appearance any longer and that he remove the mask. With great apprehension and fear, the new king removed the mask. To the shock of everyone around him, his face had been transformed to match the beautiful "mask" that he had been "wearing" all those years.
We are in many ways like that prince... The face we put on will become the face we are.
So put on a happy face!