By Amanda Pasciucco, Marriage and Family Therapist
Do you ever notice that when you get into a fight with your partner, you just
focus on the negatives? Couples usually “catastophize” – make the worst of –
during their arguments. They never get out of the argument because they end up
returning to the problem they have with their partner.
Stop falling further and further into the fight. Instead of trying to
focus on the problem within the relationship, focus on what you enjoy about your
partner. Realize your partner’s strengths, and this will propel you to get over
the current conflict you are having. For example, if you are upset at your
partner for not communicating with you, instead of repetitively discussing the
negative, try to focus on what you enjoy within your partnership. Couples need
to remember why they are with each other and not why they are arguing.
Think about your current partnership. It’s easy to recall the
negative, but remember the strengths! If it weren’t for the strengths, you would
not be together to begin with. Remember, no partnership is perfect.
This week, notice the strengths in your relationship and appreciate them. The
next time you find yourself in a conflict, recall these strengths to get out of
the fight.
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