By Amanda Pasciucco, MFT at Therapy by Amanda, LLC
It has been weeks (possible months) since you and your partner or spouse had
an evening together. Is it just that your schedules have gotten too busy, or is
it a sign that the relationship is in a rut?
If you put all of your free time into something that is not connected to your
partner, this is a sign that you may have lost interest in your relationship.
When everything else becomes a priority, your relationship may be at a dead
end.
It is essential for all partners to invest time into a relationship to make
it work. Think back to the beginning of your relationship… couples usually spend
on average of fifteen or more hours a week invested in their new partner. As the
relationship continues, this number begins to decrease. You hit relationship
ruts when you have no free time to give your partner.
But I have no time! Sometimes couples get so busy trying to live up to
their personal goals (coursework, careers, taking care of children, etc.) that
they find they have no time for each other. If you find yourself in this
situation, it is extremely important to set up time to talk with one another.
What to do? Every day, you should make a clear and structured slot of
time for you and your partner so that you do not hit or continue to stay within
a relationship rut. If you have to wake up before the kids or stay up later,
schedule in this time! Although it doesn’t seem fun or spontaneous, having this
time for your relationship will make both of you more invested in your
relationship and help you show how much you care.
What if my partner won’t give me any time? If you suggest this
intervention and your partner refuses to do it, it’s a sign that your
relationship is in need of serious assistance. The two of you may have lost the
ability to communicate effectively with one another, thus you need a third party
(not a family member or friend) to be the buffer between the two of you. Seek
counseling as soon as possible to assess and then hopefully save your
relationship.
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